I should've said something ages ago. It's probably extremely disconcerting to have someone making big rambling posts about having depression and then just have them vanish. It's inconsiderate. Amazingly that fact made this post harder to make. The guilt ate at me too much to even open the site.
Depression is stupid. It's not full of constructive, logical thoughts. Just in case anyone didn't know.
I'm sorry I turned into one of "those" creators. I always hated it when something I saw potential in was squandered, not because of technical issues or because the author just felt they didn't have more they could do with it, but because the creator just... Vanished leaving you wondering what happened. And yet that's exactly what I did.
I wish I could say I'm finally making this post because I'm recovering. Because I finally have the right medication, and I'm getting my head screwed back on straight, and I'll be able to make stuff again. Obviously I can't say that. I've been through 4 drug swaps and the only thing that has ever changed is the side effects.
I may, at least, be acclimating a bit. Over the last month or two I've started doing a little writing again. Not much, just like 3 page excerpts or intros to ideas. Nothing cohesive. Nothing particularly useful or all that interesting. But it's something.
I doubt anyone will read this. It's been far too long for this to be getting any traffic, but if you do, if you're still checking back here for some insane reason, I'm sorry I couldn't be worthy of that sort of attention. I'm sorry to everyone who checked for months and then gave up, and especially to anyone who was left worrying, even a little bit, for some random author on the internet.
I'm sorry it took so long for me to deliver the simple message of "I'm not dead. I didn't hurt myself." Well, not physically, emotionally I'm an expert at self destruction. Everyone needs their hobbies.
I can't promise that there'll be anything showing up here again. I'm nowhere near being in the state to work through the various iterations of my past projects to make them work again, even if I could reconnect with the exact "spirit" of the piece. I can't say that there's a good chance of me working on them again unless my depression being better managed really tunes up my quality of thought.
I dunno, maybe I'll turn this into just a boring, basic 'ole hack writer weblog for now. Throw up my random story fragments if anyone cares.
If, for some insane reason, you're reading this and got this far without leaving in irritation with my rambling, feel free to leave a comment about how you'd (not) like to see utterly random story fragments written with varying degrees of quality. Dunno why you would, but if you're here and you want something like that, it's the least I can do after... Everything.
I'm sorry.
